I wonder if
you, like I, have seen that ghastly play by Aristophanes. It was shown last
week to an audience of over 14,000 and ridiculed me to such an extent that I am
considering taking legal action against the scoundrel, as I did when he showed
the play The Babylonians in 426.
Although Aristophanes hinted at gating his revenge in The Acharnians the
next year. I did net attribute such nerve to him.
I will
therefore tell you of the play, as I do not know whether you have witnessed it,
and may you judge yourself 'the actions of this vulgar and common man.
To start with,
Aristophanes has the audacity to portray me as the central character,
and to top it all he names me Paphlagonian, hinting,
nay bellowing out that I am not Athenian – I told you so myself.
There is then a
character named Thepeople, supposedly meant to be the
people of Athens, but as to where Aristophanes got his stereotype of an Athenian
I’ll never know. His ‘Athenian' is an old man who is easily bribed, he is
stupid and gullible and can only replace the Paphlagonian
by an even worse leader with even more unscrupulous methods.
He then has the
nerve to name the two slaves Demosthenes and Nicias.
You know that I have not always seen eye-to-eye with these two men, but to have
them say what they do about me is plain slander; why he has the character
Demosthenes say that he "baked a lovely Spartan cake down in Pylos and round I sneak and grab it, serving it to Thepeople as if it was all my own work".
This is
supposed to reflect what happened on the island of Sphacteria,
where I kept my vow of returning to Athens within 20 days with the Spartans. I
risked my life for that vow, and all the clown
Aristophanes can do is insult me, and say it was all Demosthenes' work.
The fool
Aristophanes then proceeds to make a fool of me! He makes me, I mean my
character, act like a noisy, uneducated upstart. The Paphlagonian
character, which is supposedly me, has a Sausage Seller as a new political
opponent – can you believe it! The beast has a Gut Seller as my opposite! Let me, before
I go on, explain the general outline of the play so
that you may realize why my anger has been raised to such a level.
Thepeople is
the head of a household, and he is supposed to represent the Athenian people in
the Assembly. He has recently acquired a Paphlagonian
slave (ME!) and the Paphlagonian has become Thepeople's favourite, who now terrorises the other slaves,
Demosthenes and Nicias. It is obvious who these are
supposed to be, as I have said previously, and what Aristophanes implies is
what I class as slander. The two slaves that are sick of the
"ill-treatment" given out to them by the Paphlagonian
(really, I ask you! Where does this creature dream up the
ideas for' his play!) and the slaves steal an
oracle from the Paphlagonian which says that a new
leader must be found; a sausage-seller. They "somehow" manage to find
a sausage-seller, and convince him of the oracle. During which time, the
chorus, made up of knights enters, and attacks the Paphlagonian. Anyway, to
cut a long story short, the Paphlagonian is beaten by
the sausage-seller who turns out to be Agoracritos –
the honest adviser of Thepeople. He then rejuvenates Thepeople and shows him his stupidity due to old age.
Thus, what I
think Aristophanes was trying to show was that if Thepeople
stayed stupid and selfish as it is – Athens will get the leaders it deserves
(like me??), but if it recovers its wits, the leaders will be honest too
(like Agoracritos). This last piece of information I
gratefully got off Nicodimus, who, 1 'm glad to say,
said that the play was poorly written, and its content in NO WAY WHATSOEVER
reflected true life!! (what it is to be an employer of
people such as Nicodimus, eh !).
What I am
trying to put across my friend, is that windbags such
as Aristophanes, who attack figures such as myself, who are constantly trying
to do things for the people, must be stopped. They must be taught a lesson in
manners and morals. They will no longer be able to hide behind slanderous
allegations such as these by calling them "comic plays". I aim to set
an example to others and to prosecute Aristophanes forthwith. He’ll wish he
never messed with Cleon!
Anyway my good
friend, I hope to see you in the Assembly next week, so we can discuss such a
prosecution – I believe you would make an excellent witness if you learnt the
contents of this letter!
Yours as
always,